mothering with changes…

Sometimes it’s hard being a big girl and not getting your feelings in the way of your mothering/parenting. Does anybody else have this issue? When they were little if they said or did something you excused it a little more and let things slide a bit because they are little. Then they get big and still don’t intentionally ‘hurt’ your feelings but they still do. A boy begins to slide a little closer to dad and it’s all natural and really you are so glad that he is but inside you are thinking, “what about me?” But then what goes thru the brain, should I in a kind of a diplomatic way say something because one day there will be that girl in their life that they are not ‘intentionally hurting’ either so you want to make them aware? It’s a fine line that I am still trying to find for I don’t want to sound like the mother over here whining and begging the attention I think I should be getting, because really that is not justified it’s a natural pulling away. Again, naturally they don’t think like a woman does and of course I want him to be the best mate the the Lord intends for him to be.
This mothering thing at this boy teen level has me scratching my head on more occasions than not. I have been on my knees with the Lord much more out of pure, ‘don’t know what to do, or not do’. He is growing into an independent individual with a very boy brain. As I said, it is all good, but leaves be baffled. As I was talking to my girl friend yesterday as she has a son same age as mine and the first born…..that first born, poor babies…..they are the test drive for the rest and sometimes it’s good and sometimes not so good. Thank you Jesus for His grace to love him and me thru….

June 25, 2010 - 2:03 am

Big Fat Mama - I am not there yet, my boys are still too little. I have a close friend who has a son, 14, and he has pulled away from her. He won’t talk to her about anything. She is so upset about it and doesn’t know if she should pull back and give him his space too or put a wall around him to let him know she is there and loves him and won’t leave him alone, even if he leaves her alone.

I am sorry I don’t have much great advice, but I do know for a FACT that you are not alone and from what I have seen and heard this is all very natural. I read somewhere recently a mom who has older kids write about how she places no judgment and doesn’t over-react to anything her kids tell her, so they feel comfortable if or when they need to talk to her. I think if your son knows that you are available and willing to be there for him, he will feel secure and respect your relationship with him. God Bless!
Big Fat Mama

June 25, 2010 - 2:10 am

marlece - I just love ya Big Fat Mama….thank you for these words of incouragement….this is exactly what I needed, I appreciate you soooo much, so much!

June 25, 2010 - 2:24 am

Big Fat Mama - You are welcome! Your comments are such a joy to me on my blog!! Have a wonderful night! 🙂

June 25, 2010 - 3:06 am

Anonymous - Oh Marlece, you verbalized things very well, and I feel your pain dear “momma”. In the words of my dear mother-in-law, who raised Mark and his brother mostly by herself, a very strong Christian woman, well versed in the scriptures,a prayer warrior, etc. etc.. . her advice to me about boys? “just keep them alive, and it will all be okay.”

I know it doesn’t help, but sometimes in all of this emotional turmoil we go through as mamas, we just need to take a step back and have a little laugh!

June 25, 2010 - 3:17 pm

Jenay - I hear all of ya…I think there is more to the story of “boys will be boys”. We say it and we don’t even know what that means because we can’t figure those creatures out. The mystery is kinda fun though, trying to figure out what makes them tick as they become more manly is interesting and baffling. You are doing great with all your boys Marlece. God gave you 4 for a very specific reason..you are just good at it.

June 25, 2010 - 3:20 pm

Jenay - Oh and my theory is….when in doubt FEED THEM!!! FEED THEM!!!

June 27, 2010 - 4:58 pm

Gina - I think you are doing an amazing Job with those boys!! They are hard working, polite, kind kids! I also know that you are raising them to be good husbands too! You don’t really want Momma’s boys do you? Well you do. But you don’t. But.. You do?? I don’t know what I am saying, but you know what I’m saying right? I hope. HA! Girl, I am sure it hurts… but they will be back…you just gotta let em be who they are. They are ALL boy and that’s a good thing! Us girls are here to support and encourage you when you need uplifting. Jenay is right… you are SO good at this. Just keep feeding them!!

June 27, 2010 - 4:59 pm

Gina - Oh and when did you put my button on your blog? I just noticed it. I just LOVE YOU!!! You are the best!! Oh and Jordan told Jack, “Layton’s my buddy!” The kids had a great time and can’t wait to come back. Thank you!!

June 28, 2010 - 1:40 am

Joey&Casey - Thanks for stopping by my blog and I enjoyed reading this post! Thank you for sharing your heart and your thoughts. I love hearing what other mama’s have to say about their parenting journeys. I need all the help I can get!! 🙂 I’ll be stopping by!

July 2, 2010 - 1:29 am

adriel, from the mommyhood memos - hi marlece! and thanks for asking… yup, camping went so well. it was SO much fun!! 🙂
and this is a great post. although my little guy is only very young still, i can definitely see how this will be a challenge. sometimes i look at the way he relates with my husband already (which is sooo wonderful) and *wish* he would react the same with me. sometimes i just feel like the milk distribution center! 😉 but that’s parenthood isn’t it? we don’t do it for ourselves and to fulfill our needs for love and affection. we do it to express the glory of God to another little human being. i am learning this more and more deeply, and i suspect that it’s a lesson i will revisit many times throughout the years to come… 🙂
adriel

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