putting it out there!

I had a conversation today that confirmed what the Lord has been speaking to me about. I think He is revealing something that I didn’t even realize has crept into my life and has become a stronghold. There was a time when I could write in my journal and go and and on and on…a writer. Just thru my writing I could read back over it and see where the Lord was revealing Himself to me in a profound way. Even speaking to a friend, I have always been able to ‘put it out there’. I don’t think I have lacked in allowing a friend to speak what is in her heart and world but I see thru time that on my side of things I just ‘don’t have much to say’ on my end. I always feel like what I have to say is insignificant, not worthy of telling, too much and where to begin, a since of unworthiness of even opening my mouth about anything that might be floating around in this head of mine. I am a very deep person but thru time am showing a very shallow exterior. This I realize is even towards my own husband. Even more than that, my very own Lord. I realize He wants intimacy with me and if all I am giving Him, in which is exactly what I have began doing for sometime now is, “oh, you know Lord” and I leave it at that. Ok, what kind of conversation is that? He knows me better than I know myself but if I don’t share my heart with Him how is it that He can reveal Himself to me and in return shine thru me to others? I do these bible studies and it comes to the ‘how do you feel’ part, completely dismiss it or give a one liner and move on to the next thing. If someone asks me what they can pray for me about I instantly feel a tear coming to the surface and ask for prayer about my kid, husband, a friend,…in all of this, a tear because I truly am not sure I even know how to articulate a need for prayer. It’s not about my feelings right? Jesus cares, otherwise He would not have given us feelings. I have so been in the frame of mind that it is not about my feelings that I forgot I have them~ha!
Usually when I go to write a blog post I can’t think of ONE thing anyone would want to hear…so, I go to other strong amazing posts and share a little of my heart with a comment here and there to others.
I don’t want to be shallow and I don’t want the enemy thinking He won by completely shutting me down so much so that the Lord and I can’t have intimacy, or a husband who I blame for being closed down when maybe it would take me opening up, or a friend who shares a struggle and I can share mine so that we can pray for one another.
I think this will take some time because it has taken time to get in this place.

Grateful for intimacy with my Lord
Grateful for feelings
Grateful for a praying friend
Grateful for a mouth that can reveal truth
Grateful…..

November 10, 2010 - 3:19 am

Jhen.Stark - Oh Yes! This has been a conviction placed in my heart recently. I know I blog some intimate stuff, but I’m still scratching the surface in fear… so while removing myself from blogger (leaving only my scheduled posts) I’ve discovered that this place of mine “From Here to Eternity” should be leading people to Eternity, instead of leading them to myself.

I’m so interested in what you have to say, what Jesus puts on your heart, and what feelings you have!!!

November 10, 2010 - 3:22 am

Jenay - VERY good!!! Oh my sister we are sooo on the same page. I love when we can work on things together and hold eachother accountable. Way to put yourself out there, I know, that, in itself was NOT an easy step. I know God is going to use all this for His Glory and we just need to remember THAT is what it is all about. Love you love you, and I can’t wait to read the next post! You have much to share and I’m thrilled it’s coming out my sister!!!! Remember the picture about the fizz coming out of your head…well, I think you are shook up and it’s coming out, and it’s about time you share what’s been going on in that head and heart of yours. AMEN!!!

November 10, 2010 - 3:39 am

Cheryl @ On the Old Path - Intimacy is a scary place sometimes. That going deeper and vulnerability, yet there is untold blessing in it. It is a journey and your bloggy friends look forward to what the Lord is doing in you.
Blessings sweetie.

November 10, 2010 - 4:10 am

Shauna - Oh how He longs for us to to be intimate and detailed. We need to chat. I am in this Beth Moore bb study, studying the tabernacle. The main thing I have come back to again and again is that our God is a.) Ah-Ha-Mazzzing and b.) Detailed, detailed, detailed – He cares about the little things, He wants us to lift it to Him – for us to cry Abba.

Love you! I look forward to going deaper with you! Let’s hear it!

November 10, 2010 - 5:50 am

Leanne - This has set off a flood of thoughts for me that I would love to share with you. I’m so glad you are my friend! Coffee date SOON???? We have lots to talk about…

November 11, 2010 - 2:07 am

Natalie at Mommy on Fire - Oh, wow, Marlece. I love your honesty, your realness. Your willingness to admit that you are not “Super Star Jesus Follower”. That you don’t have it all figured out. Thank you for trusting us all with your heart.

I’m also at a point in which God is forcing me to go only to Him – and only Him. It’s deepening our relationship and yet, I wasn’t aware it was lacking as much as it was. Funny how He works, isn’t it?

On another note, if you ever get the chance to do Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free” study – DO IT!!! I’m almost finished with it and wow. It will make you walk closer with Him.

Blessings to you, dear one.

November 11, 2010 - 3:37 am

Jasmine - Hello my friend. I love coming here and reading your words. You have much to say and I consider it worthy to read.

All my love,

Jasmine

November 11, 2010 - 6:47 pm

Big Fat Mama - I know exactly how you feel. When I had the idea to do my blog I almost didn’t do it at all, because I was too wrapped up into being concerned with what othes would think about what I write. I thought – who am I to write anything? But, it’s all from Him anyway, not me!

I would love to hear anything you have to write!! I think you would find by facing your fears you will discover a whole new level of faith. 🙂

November 11, 2010 - 10:29 pm

Rosemi - Marlece,
I do understand how you feel. I feel that way sometimes towards hubby. I kind of have to be shallow with him to keep him from freaking out and saying I’m legalist. I’m just blessed he sits with me at church. Occasionally, he’ll even pray with the girls on his own merit.

On the other hand, I just blogged about a comment from a man telling me I needed to be Catholic to be saved. I tried to tell him he’s wrong respectfully. Would you come by and support me?

November 12, 2010 - 1:24 am

Jen - I think this post was really…real. To share that much of your heart, to reveal that you are currently struggling with how to be intimate is such a blessing to people because they are in the same boat. It is a journey to be shared, a journey in which to grow closer to sisters and Jesus.

I wanted to invite you to link up on my blog on Tuesdays — it’s all about being vulnerable — sharing those tough places with other sisters — revealing what God is revealing to us. If you are interested, you can read one of the Soli Deo Gloria posts on my blog.

Happy running!

November 12, 2010 - 6:32 pm

Lindsey - Wow, confirmation on my thoughts and feelings exactly. I have been struggling with intimacy with my Lord and Savior which also affects my relationships, mainly with my husband. I just want the Lord to be number one in my life and I want to hear His voice! God is so good, but I can’t forget to spend that quality time!

November 13, 2010 - 11:24 am

Jasmine - Thinking of you. What are you doing this weekend? How are you? xox

November 13, 2010 - 1:30 pm

Casey Martinez - I totally hear you! I’m a very deep thinking person too and perhaps it is because I have often felt the sting of being misunderstood or I feel like people don’t get the deep mullings in my head that has kept me quiet because I have slowly over time tried to blend in and fit in with lighter talk and “normal” social behavior:) lol. Satan has really enjoyed keeping me quiet for many years and only recently has God been giving me a new found strength to let what was lost back to glorify Him. I can’t tell you how many deep blog posts I have deleted for fear I would scare people away. hehe. I loved reading this post and hearing about what you are thinking and what God is showing you. Be encouraged. We do want to hear and it will bless so many when you share!! Thanks for being real Marlece and for all of your kind comments on my blog! I love your passion and heart for the King of Kings!

November 14, 2010 - 10:12 pm

Nicole Harkness - Found it!

I am so glad I read this! Thanks for sharing your heart. What you had to say speaks into my life and it’s encouraging. I’m really looking forward to getting to know you more.
love,
Nicole

November 22, 2010 - 12:05 am

Gina - I just realized I never commented on this post and you have 14 comments!!! WOAH! You need 15! Praise God for your sensitive heart, ear to hear & eyes to see.
Awesome. As always.

December 3, 2010 - 9:05 pm

Lori - Wow Marlece. Beautifully said. You are truly a deep well of emotions AND wisdom. I love you and treasure our conversations and our growing friendship.

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *

*

*