How do you want to be seen by others? This question has certainly hit me head on lately. I think the Lord is showing me a few things by way of my actions that He is trying to make me aware of.
In my younger years it seemed that in order to be heard or to matter you had to be seen by way of mouth or by being leader of this or that. I wasn’t often just a participant but always took a leadership role. I was a cheerleader, an officer of student body, always fighting for a ’cause’.
As I’ve gotten older I kind of have faded to the back ground. More on the meek side, a participant but not leading the group, guiding but not on the forefront, being an honorable friend to a few, being more one on one and not always in a ‘group’ kind of setting.
Well, it all of the sudden came out of me, like I went back in time with a vengeance, a VENGEANCE! Brayden and his team mates who got out there on the mat to wrestle literally for the first time ever! Brayden has had a two year break with his ankle surgery and then the next year not a budget for wrestling.
These kids, it was like watching Jordan’s age group of kids, 6 years old, in 14 year old bodies trying to survive on that mat with not knowing but just a couple weeks of instruction. I WENT BAZERK!! Bazerk as in, I could see the move they needed to make and I was YELLING to them instruction on what to do! Each kid as they got on that mat lots of encouragement but lots of LOUD instructing from this mother! At the end of the meet, a man that I know from the team my kids have been on since they were little said he was able to find me by my voice….he was CLEAR across the gym!! Brayden’s last match, (he pinned his first guy) he was two points down and time was running out. I could SEE what he was needing to do to get those points to win so I’m yelling, SPIN, SPIN, SPIN, on and on an on she went! And at the last few seconds he did and he won, but it was a nail biter too close for comfort kind of close!
On the way home, I started to feel myself want to shrink….didn’t think too much more of it until the middle of the night (when I do my most thought provoking thinking, when I can’t do a thing about it, but usually pray, which is right where God wants me anyway) I began to run this tape in my mind of what I looked like at that meet. I nearly wanted to DIE! It was like an out of body experience now that I look back on it.
I couldn’t sleep thinking about it, and of course can’t leave it alone, so Brayden gets to pay by me waking him up at two in the morning. This snoring child of mine wakes up to me telling him what an idiot I was and that I was so sorry. He just smiled with a almost smirk or grin and said he didn’t care and it was fine. ( I love that kid)
What happened to that girl who was happy and mild over there in her corner crocheting? People, just thinking about it I was getting red in the face with embarrassment. I am so humiliated. I told sister about it almost as a confession, of course she seen the humor in all of it and we laughed our heads off together, we talked about how we just HATE that when this sort of thing happens and there is NO TURNING BACK!This conversation gave me a little more courage to face tonights meet.
SO, as we come upon this next tournament tonight? I have my crochet bag ready, my camera ready and duct tape in case I think I need to cover the mouth! I will probably walk in there, and people will scatter, scatter! I’m ready to show the reserved me again, I do not know what came over me! ha! Pictures when I get back this time, just you wait and see!