A Momma’s heart

Romans 8:28 New Life Version (NLV) 28 We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are chosen to be a part of His plan.

 I believe this, I believe God, I trust Him, I have faith, maybe just a measure at times, but that is all He says we need, I do not waiver in KNOWING He is my Lord and I am His.I do want His plan for my life and beg the Lord that He give me the tools and convictions to raise my boys to want the same.

Even so, at this moment in my little world I really have to focus on the things that are good even if it is just a moment here and a moment there. Being thankful in these things gets me thru the ugly that keeps popping its nasty head in between it all.

When one of my family members stumbles or right out fails I take it sooooooo personally. Especially if it is my husband or one of my kiddoes. I feel like a big fat failure. Either it is my lack of as a wife or my parenting to my boys. I am a sinner, and thank the Lord he looks upon my heart. Sometimes if the actions of one of my family members doesn’t reflect my heart for them, it crushes me right down to the  bone. Sometimes, I look and think, where in the heck did I go wrong here? Satan would like fear to encompass me so that I cannot functions to the capacity I am to as a Mom or wife. I just speak over that and remind myself that there is no fear in love.

 My goal for me and how I raise my boys is to love the Lord our God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength, to love Jesus way more than anybody or anything else. The second thing is, their character, they don’t lie, they are kind, hard workers, moral, etc…, and I want them to treat their girl someday with respect and love. That the one he chooses loves Jesus more than him, and that he loves Jesus more than her.

My husband? I have learned that I can only control my actions as a wife and that I then pray about anything else beyond that.

So when I am not seeing the ‘all things work together for the good’, I look at where I have gone wrong. Even when I think like this I do know that I have given a solid foundation, I have shown them what it is to love Jesus, I have led them down a path that I know is centered around Jesus, so therefore, the actions they choose that are not any of this, I know I have done my best in grounding them in the ways of the Lord.

 Maybe it isn’t about me at all and He is using this to end up maturing him  in Him. To bring glory to His name not because of what I have or haven’t done in my parenting but what He has done as a Father for my son. Maybe it’s about keeping my pride in check and to keep me humble.

 But, can I just say…..it still hurts like crazy, it makes me crazy, so many tears, so many prayers. The kind of prayers that you are at a loss for words but you crave His presence so you desperately seek it out.

A Momma’s heart……is so fragile!

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April 16, 2013 - 3:37 pm

Optimistic Existentialist - Beautiful post my friend. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you search for these answers. Life truly is a marathon rather than a sprint isn’t it?

April 16, 2013 - 4:22 pm

Jen Ferguson - Oh, sweet friend. I am lifting you up in prayer right now. I can tell that your heart is hurting greatly. Lord Jesus, I pray that Your promises would fill Marlece’s heart, that you would buoy her with Your HOPE, a hope that never fails, that never runs out. May you protect her heart and her mind so that she will be immune from the lies and hear your word only.

April 16, 2013 - 5:54 pm

bluecottonmemory - Your blog is after my own heart – mothers of sons-only carry this mothering differently than if there is a girl in the next – and it takes strength, a never-give-up-ness – because at times it can feel very isolating being the only girl in the bunch. Praying with you – standing in faith with you that the seeds you planted in their hearts will bloom – God isn’t surprised (Psalm 139) – He’s already working on it:)So glad I came by!

April 17, 2013 - 2:33 am

Brandee Shafer - You know what, Marlece? I heard and felt each of these words. When can we talk on the phone? I wish I had your number; I’d call you right now.

April 18, 2013 - 12:54 am

Janice C Johnson - Oh, how I love your Momma’s heart. Keep telling it all to the One who knows.
Hugs to you, my friend.

April 18, 2013 - 9:26 am

Amy Sullivan - I understand this hurt. When someone you love stumbles kind of hurt. Praying you live in those moments of thankfulness although it’s hard. Recently, I read something about not living day by day, but moment by moment. Sometimes, that’s the only way.

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